I was sitting down. In a dark room. I find a remote. I click a button. It turns on some led lights. I can finally see again. My friend Tori is here with me. We went to are other friend Jades house she wasn’t home but her brother Andrew us he let us in. He led us to a room he left the light on but as soon as he left they started flickering and then, suddenly darkness enveloped the room. Me and tori screamed that lead Andrew and Jade to join the room. They said it was ok. Me and Tori left.
Kia ora from New Zealand Lucy.
I really enjoyed the beginning of your story where you used such a good tool to get the reader’s attention – using some very short sentences. That is clever.
Something to help you could be to note that when you talk about going to Jade’s house, you said ‘ARE’ friend. I think that you might want to say ‘OUR’ friend.
Ms M #100WC team